When a character’s USP is that he gets the job done – and then he singularly fails to get the job done, questions will be asked
The Labour party is now mainly an argument about which wing of itself was worse. Come on, guys – you’ve got so much in common! Let’s face it, you both tank elections. The Tories promise frequent bin collections, Labour promises frequent binfires.
The Conservatives have won Hartlepool, a seat Labour held since its creation in 1974, with a candidate so invisible she might have been an urban myth. Impressively, Labour’s remainer candidate was an even more batshit choice. We will of course have to wait whole days to discover all the various stripes of local results, not least what’s happened to Labour seats on Hartlepool council. If you’re not sure how many weeks/hours/seconds of postmortem on it all you can stand, remember: you can always run off and join up for the war against France. I guess the key questions I’ll be asking before I head for the front are: do you have to quarantine on return? And please tell me there’s indoor seating?
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