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Why should the US have all the new holidays? Here are five to make the UK a happier place

Trump can have his ‘victory days’. I want something to commemorate Britain’s love of Judi Dench, or its hatred of a sleepless night

I’m not being deliberately contrarian – I am a person of peace – but I’ve decided bank holidays are rubbish. They are on my mind because May is peak season for them, but also because handsome and intelligent President Trump (listen, my son is moving to the US this summer and it would be nice to visit occasionally) has recently announced two new public holidays. Not that he wants anyone to take time off for them, of course.

Inspired by this blue-sky stable genius thinking, I think we should do something radically better with ours. Because the current Monday bank holiday system is unfit for purpose. The last one was, I think we can agree, dismal: pewter-skied and joyless, fit only for a trudge around B&Q and an abandoned barbecue followed by a listless sofa double-screening.

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